Hurry up and wait.

Let's say and your spouse have decided to end your marriage. Let's say you have been able to sit down and work out all of the details -- where the children will live, how much time they will spend with both parents, who gets what property or debt, who gets the ceramic kitten collection, and who gets Aunt Sally's necklace she left to the two of you.

What if I told you that unless you filed for divorce and served the other party at least 90 days ago, you have to wait? Despite the fact that you both know things are finished. Despite the fact that you were able to come to an agreement that is the best possible agreement for your children, for your family.

This a reality that many people face. In Iowa, you must wait 90 days from the date that the opposing party was served with (or accepted service of) original notice of a petition for dissolution of marriage to get your final decree. (Iowa Code §598.19) There are rarely exceptions made for emergency or necessity, but each judge seems to vary on what exactly they consider an "emergency" or "necessity."

At a recent meeting of the task force that is working on reforming family law case processing in the State of Iowa, there was resounding support for the abolition of the 90 day waiting period. It was brought to our attention that some members of the legislature would not wish to make divorce any "easier." Let's talk about this.

Divorce is not easy on anyone. Many times the parties and their children are better off in the end, but there is a lot of turmoil for everyone involved as the process unfolds. This is true even if the adults in the situation are getting along well. Wouldn't it be beneficial to everyone involved if the court system listened to the needs of the parties? Wouldn't it be better for people to be allowed to move on when they have recognized a need to do so? Wouldn't it reduce the impact on children of divorce to have a schedule that the parents have sat down and determined will work for their family sooner rather than later? They say time heals all wounds, but I have seen in dissolution cases that time after the decree is entered heals all wounds. Until then, things are very raw and fresh in people's minds and making them wait can sometimes cause further breakdown in family relationships.

For now, we will have to continue to tell our clients to hurry up and wait even though their case, in all reality, should be done.